A New Dream

I had a somewhat strange dream today. And I swear I've had it before. It started off with me in a large room. The walls were white, the lighting basic, and there were at least twenty-something people in there with me. One of them was a guy I called "my Peter Pan." I called him that since I was myself in my dream, and it was a running joke between us.

Everyone there had a pretty bare bed, a small mattress, a white pillow, and light gray sheets and comforters. I laid on mine at an angle, my head to the right side of the mattress as I talked with my boyfriend (whose name I can't remember). As we chatted, many of the other coeds in the room walked out for food, though he and I each stayed on our respective mattresses, about five "beds" apart.

I know that not long after that, he went off to war, and I worried and worried about him.

The next thing I remember is going to what felt like an airport hangar that had been turned into a parking garage. My father was driving the car I was in (his Maxima), and I went over to my group of girlfriends as we all waited anxiously to find out if our lovers were home safe or not.

Slowly, each one came out, and I got more and more nervous because my boyfriend didn't come out, and at the end, I was the only one alone. I stood there in some sort of shock as the commanding officer just stood there, watching everyone together and totally ignoring me. When I'd had enough, I walked back to the car to find him sitting in the back seat, stuff already stowed in the trunk. I remember my sister being there too. She had her clarinet music (instrument nowhere in sight), and she put the music in the trunk before going off with a friend of her own.

I sat in the car as we headed up and out of the lot, not saying a word about how hurt and scared I'd been that I'd lost my boyfriend. He didn't say a word either, and I was somehow both grateful and worried about that as my dad continued to drive.

After that, we were somehow at a restaurant with about eight other people. We were all sitting together with our respective dates, and my boyfriend was sitting in the corner, next to the wall, with me sitting on his left, another guy sitting next to me, his girlfriend across from him, two guys across from my boyfriend, and another couple of girls sitting on the girl's other side to complete the table. Here, the walls were cold to the touch and appeared to be metal. People kept getting up to "grab more food," even though we'd already eaten and our plates were still on the table.

At one point, my boyfriend was talking with the two guys across from us (one of them was Kevin McHale), and then the girl sitting a couple seats over joined in the conversation and asked my boyfriend if he didn't like people touching him now. He gave an affirmative reply and mentioned he needed a tissue. I grabbed a small tissue bag (the ones you can buy at the store to stick in your purse) and joked about him being Monk, but with less issues. He smiled lightly and accepted the tissues, before joking back that since I'd used one, he couldn't use them.

For a good while, we weren't very touchy-feely, but I was beyond comforted to have him sitting next to me again, so I kept looking over at him and smiling lightly. He would smile back at me each time.

Somehow, the topic of conversation had moved on, and the guys across from my boyfriend were talking about how they'd hooked me and my boyfriend up. I got really upset with them, and said that we'd have gotten together without them, as I'd already liked my boyfriend and I was pretty sure he'd liked me. (Even as I said this, I looked over at him and my heartbeat got a lot faster. It was a good, loving feeling.) This time, though, we'd upset my boyfriend. He looked down and made a not-so-nice comment about me and my needing to be with him or committing suicide.

I was really hurt and upset that he'd say such a thing, so I instantly defended myself, even though my voice was weak and shaking, saying that I knew someone who'd committed suicide, and I would NEVER hurt someone like that. I was too attached to living.

By this point, the meal was over. So my boyfriend started clearing the table, trying to gain control of his own emotions. I watched silently for a bit before helping him.

After we'd put the dishes away, I walked back while he paid the bill for everyone. I just stood there numbly (the seats were now gone) until he got back and pulled me gently into his arms, just being a source of comfort, not saying a word. He rocked me back and forth, rubbing a hand down my back and telling me that someday in our future he planned to marry me.

It was sweet, loving, and perfect. I just wish my mom hadn't woken me up, as I'd have liked to see where this dream went, since it went farther than the last version of it did. The two weird things, though, were that the dream ended with me hearing David Bowie's "Let's Dance" as everything faded out, and that the SECOND I woke up, I could no longer remember my boyfriend's or face name at all!