Monday, April 20, 2009

Damn! When I'm Depressed, I'm Seriously Depressed!

Ok, first things first: I DO NOT currently feel at all like the post below. I just found this on my computer, and realized that I basically wrote two different things about the same incident, which is a few posts below this one - YES, the one about my being depressed over Hugh Jackman... The one called Realizations.

I was REALLY upset, and probably part of it was because I was punchy. I typed up a rough draft, then saved and ignored it. The below text is what I originally wrote about that incident.

Also, please note that this is out of date, as tomorrow HJ will be in Los Angeles, getting his star on the Walk of Fame (it's open to the public, and I can't even freakin' go - Damned school!) He hasn't been in Australia for quite a while now.

Again: DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME! I'M FINE! I'M HAPPY! THIS IS OLD!




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I think I have sufficiently broken down enough to write something.

Realization's a bitch. Yes, a large cliché, but still the truth. When I woke up yesterday, I was still the same shallow dreamer as pretty much every other person on the planet. I still dreamed of meeting my celebrity idols, and having them respect me as much as I respect and admire them.

I was wrong. Simple as that. No celebrity gives a fuck, especially since they have their own lives to lead, regardless of how many fans they have or how much success those fans bring them.

I think I really realized this when I was on Twitter earlier. Hugh Jackman is my favorite actor, and I check his Twitter several times a day. The latest thing he posted was a picture of himself and a fan who had created his own set of Wolverine claws. I know that he's currently in Australia, promoting the hell out of Wolverine, but somehow, just looking at that picture, I realized that the fantasy was broken.

I knew as I tormented myself by staring for long minutes at that picture that I would NEVER be that fan, smiling and happy in the picture with a celebrity that I idolize. I'm just one of the millions, deceiving myself into believing that I COULD be that person. Doesn't mean it's ever gonna happen, but that's exactly what delusions are.

I think many of my favorite book characters have it right: Life's a bitch and then you die.

4 comments:

nikkibelle said...

huh...this post got me thinking...i've never really looked at things from that perspective...coming back to reality is hard sometimes, and it gets that much harder when the dream you had was actually not that far away. i guess that living in america, especially california, you are so close to the whole movie industry and the celebrities that it feels very real, very "this might come true". and damn it can be hard when it doesn't...this is one of the few times in my life where i consider myself lucky to be living in the middle of nowhere, where no celebrity ever sets foot ;) that way, dreams are dreams and stay so far away that they are almost in a different world...and you never even dare to wish for them to come true...but you know, i think it's okay to be a dreamer...you don't have to give it up just because you realize it won't come true...that's why they're dreams...
uhm yeah anyway pointless ramble much? ;) sorry bout that, once you get me started...

Isis M. Nocturne said...

Yeah, where I live, it's easy to run into celebs. I've been on the set of Numb3rs (for the episode "Frienemies"), I've watched NCIS film (waaaaayyy back in season 2) right by my house, I've run into celebs (Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie) at Magic Mountain (back when I worked there), etc. I also know personally a few people with Oscars and other major media awards behind them.

So, I'm gonna keep hoping for Hugh to be brought out here to film on my school's campus (which is used in LOTS of stuff), since it's been in so much stuff...

I mean, if they used my school, there's a daycare center on campus, so he can have the family nearby...

*drifts off into daydream*

nikkibelle said...

that is really cool, i didn't realize you were *that* close to the whole movie industry. it must feel sort of surreal sometimes, doesn't it?
what kind of stuff has your school been used for, anything i might know? must be strange to see your own school on like a tv show or something...
have sweet daydreams =) i'll be off to bed for some real dreams now...hopefully my subconscious mind sucked up enough of the wolverine movie to make nice dreams out of it for, say..the rest of the week? ^^

Isis M. Nocturne said...

The school, COC, has been used for many things - movies, tv shows, all that stuff. I mean, I'm really not too far from the William S. Hart Mansion, and my sister's high school is named after him... Plus, a bunch of filming ranches surround the area...

For example, I'm going to assume you've seen "The Lion King." That rock formation that was so important to the film - Well, that's about 30 mins or so from where I live. Vasquez Rocks. Those rocks have been used in TONS of stuff.

As for movies near me, the opening part of the movie Pleasantville was filmed at my first high school.

A lot is filmed out here... I'm providing a couple links for you to check out!

http://localism.com/blog/ca/santa_clarita/posts/502749/Santa-Clarita-CA-where

http://www.filmsantaclarita.com/Index.aspx?page=12