"I Remember"

This was another journal from my Poetry class, and I decided to share it here...

Journal #4 "I Remember"

"I remember there was mist/swirling mist upon a vast glassy lake/there were candles all around/and on the lake there was a boat/and in the boat/there was a man…" Those lines haunt my ears every time I think about Phantom of the Opera. I see the passion, the love, the devastation that follows in the rest of the story just thinking about that, and those memories… Well, they just make it into an even bigger deal.

How can anyone not see the curiousity there? That innocent curiousity, which as we all know can be devastating… It's a reminder that heartbreak and betrayal are easy, and can happen in the blink of an eye.

It's a common theme everywhere, and the fandoms I find myself involved with all seem to deeply deal with it.

What is it about betrayal that becomes sensual in the darkest of ways? Why are people drawn to committing actions that hurt and betray others? I'm not talking about a physical hurt, just a deep emotional one, like the stabs of the ancient Grecian dagger against the ribs, leaving scars on both skin and bone.

Many people seem drawn to that pain when they witness it coming from others - so much so that it almost seems like they live from the misery and pain of others.

Where does that come from?

We all have to deal with it, so why do some people gain pleasure from such horrible things while others don't?

I think that may be part of the draw of the gothic genre. That darkness coming from one person to another as it flows off the pages of the book and stings you, the reader, straight in the heart.

Is it just that the pain makes us feel more alive? Or is it that such pain, whether experienced in real life or through the feelings of another (even a character from a book), allows us to better see the joy in life as well? How fine a line is there to cross between despair for the sake of being depressed and despair for the sake of realizing how good you actually have it?

I remember being on both sides. I hated one, yet I'm drawn to the other. It's scary. And I want more than anything to let all of that out of my system. I don't want to enjoy others pain, even if it reminds me that I have a great life regardless of my opinion on each particular day.

Is it just that everyone needs some negativity to focus on, or are we as humans in NEED of that sweet anguish?

I wish I knew the answer to that, because I bet I'd make a lot of money if I wrote about it and got published. *snort* At least in my head, that sounds like a good idea… Not sure how well it actually translates to real life though.